4.04.2008

you've got to be frackin' kidding me... snow???

yup. it's still snowing.

Ironically, I'm waiting for a phone call from someone who might have a post-doc opportunity for me in California.

Geee... let me think... snow? beaches? snow? ... beaches.

wha??

It's snowing out.

Not a little bit either.

It is April 4th. April... 4th...

Spring supposedly started two weeks ago.

What the frack?

3.18.2008

Scientists just aren't that exciting...


einstein grafitti, originally uploaded by physics*chick.

See, this is what happens when you make scientists into action heros. He's holding a piece of chalk. What can you do with a piece of chalk?!

3.14.2008

It's not about technology, it's about academic integrity

By now, I think pretty much everyone has heard about it: the Ryerson student facing expulsion for his facebook exploits. Headlines like: Toronto student in Facebook fiasco, Online 'scapegoat' hailed, and Look, technology ... hide!.

Is it a huge PR nightmare for Ryerson? For sure, everyone's jumped on the facebook bandwagon and is accusing the university of being in the dark ages. Wake up and smell the virtual coffee. Is Chris Avenir unfortunate enough to be caught in the middle of something bigger than a facebook group? Yeah, probably. But the issue isn't the use of technology, it's the intent to circumvent academic integrity.

Universities have embraced technology, I'd say rather rapidly. My first email account was with the university, I'd never even had internet before. Today, most universities provide online registration, grades, course tools, testing, and yes, even discussion boards through tools like WebCT. I don't think universities are technophobes. So why the attack on this facebook "study" group?

"If you request to join, please use the forms to discuss/post solutions to the chemistry assignments. Please input your solutions if they are not already posted."


I'm not sure one can argue very effectively that this statement was not intended encourage the sharing of answers. Obviously Mr. Avenir was not the only one involved, but this doesn't really sound like students trying to use an online tool for open conceptual discussion. And what about the use of facebook, rather than one of those tools provided by the university? If everything was on the up-and-up why not use a discussion board for the course? I'm sure the professor would not have minded constructive discussion... in fact he/she would probably have been very pleased... unless there was cheating going on. In my experience (as a web-based TA) students turn to facebook and other places they think they are "safe" online when they know they are crossing that line. This is not about technology. The university provides that. This is about academic integrity.

Academic integrity. When I started university, not that long ago, I think I heard it mentioned once or twice. I knew there was a policy somewhere, and my handbook/agenda might have given the link for where to find it. I also knew cheating was wrong. Fast-forward 5 years, and TA's are practically reciting it to every class. Why? Because it's needed. Those same TA's are grading identical papers, and having conniptions about what to do. Is a first year lab worth reporting? What if it damages this person's academic career? University policy for cheating is strict, but rightly so, especially as it becomes increasingly prevalent. Somehow, despite how often academic integrity is hounded into students these days, they often don't even seem to realize what they are doing is wrong, and undermining their very own education. I don't know when or why this became such a problem, but it is.

So, is an online study group, where answers get shared, any different than the study group I worked with in the computer lab in 1st year to get my online physics assignments done? Yes and no. Obviously, we "shared" a little too much at times. There was a deadline, there was panic, Cindy-loo-who had the answer! But the distinction comes in the need for two-way interaction. In a face-to-face study group, people are more likely to take the time to explain how they got to an answer, and people are less likely to only take from the group. It starts to become obvious if Joe isn't pulling his weight. If Joe's lucky, someone will give him a hand if he's just having trouble. This kind of study group speaks to effective educational techniques like peer-teaching and probably offsets the degree of illegitimate "sharing". The worry is that this isn't necessarily the case for an online study group, especially one as large as Avenir's. People post answers, other people come and read those answers. There is less impetus for two-way sharing, and it is both more difficult and less likely that people will have full discussion to understand the background.

I'm all for using online tools for learning. I think it's great that these extra resources are out there, and online discussions allow students who might not otherwise be able to participate in a "real-world" study group (due to living situations, distance from the university, etc.) the chance to interact with their peers. But students have to realize that the the same rules apply in online world that apply in the real world. Facebook, or any other site is not a virtual shelter. (In fact, it leaves a digital trail.)

I don't know that it's entirely fair to Chris Avenir for the University to expel him, and not the other participants in the group, but I do think they have every right to enforce academic policy in any forum that students attempt to use to circumvent it.

3.10.2008

truffled potatoes au gratin


truffled potatoes au gratin, originally uploaded by physics*chick.

Last night we made Truffled Potatoes au gratin, made by (more or less) this recipe from epicuious.com.

We skipped the truffles for truffle oil, made a little less than half of the recipe, and added some parmesan cheese for extra flavour and crispiness. We used the slicer on our food processor for the potatoes cutting down the prep time dramatically. :) I'm loving the "robot culinaire" now that we have it.

Sadly, we were too excited to dig in, so I don't have a photo after baking. Trust me, it looked delicious and tasted even better! Maybe we'll spring for some truffles next time... Yum!

2.27.2008

wishing for summer to return

It's just one of those days, where I wish summer would hurry up and come back. Don't get me wrong, I've been enjoying this winter (hockey! snowshoeing! lots to knit!), but it's a gloomy stormy day and I'm gloomy and stormy today, and I'd like the weather to fix my mood a little. *sigh* Unfortunately, I don't think the seasons take orders from the likes of me.

In the meantime, a picture from last summer to warm things up a little.

2.24.2008

sunday afternoon musings about productivity

it has become clear to me on this sunday afternoon, that if i am ever going to get a thesis written, i am going to need a supply of chocolate in my office.

2.19.2008

Imposter syndrome... a real thing

A few times when I've mentioned "Imposter syndrome" I've been met with a reaction of disbelief. Of course, most people in academia know it all too well (I could theorize on why this is*, but have no substantiation for my beliefs other than my personal experience).

There is an article over at Science Careers right now: Getting over the feeling that you're not a phoney takes accurate self-appraisal (found via "On being a scientist and a woman", thanks for the heads up!) that I found a good read (it even has references! see it's real!). Sometimes it helps just to be aware of the problem, that it is real, and that you are far from alone.

I have struggled with Imposter syndrome myself. I have always been a good student, I've won scholarships and received recognition from people in my field at conferences, I've got papers published that people seem to read and cite, by all measures I seem to be doing relatively well... but then the doubt creeps in. Am I working as hard as my peers? Do I understand and know as much as they do? Are my publications as good as theirs? Did I just get lucky with this project I'm on? Could I have done as well with something else? Will I be able to produce successful results and publications somewhere else working on something different? Yipes! Why the hell do I not feel confident about my own success?? And yet, people seem to see me as successful, confident and knowledgeable, and I think at times I foster Imposter syndrome in my peers. On the one hand, I know it is important to project confidence in order for others to take you seriously and believe what you have to say, but on the other hand, it seems ridiculous for my peers to see me this way when at times I don't feel confident and am questioning whether I really know what I know. What an imposter I am!

I went through a particularly bad spell after writing the PhD preliminary or qualifying exam here. After all the stress of the exam I was sure I would fail it and that maybe it was for the best because I didn't belong here anyway. At the same time I was awarded a top scholarship and my brain just couldn't wrap itself around this apparent disparity between what I thought of my ability, and what was being validated externally. Which was correct? Was I an Imposter who didn't deserve said scholarship? Or was I just crazy? It has taken a long time to get over this (err... mostly over it) despite lots of other successes along the way. I told one of the professors in our department when he asked about the prelim exam that I found it a "soul-crushing, confidence-destroying experience" and he looked at me strangely and inquired how that could be for such a good student?

While I agree with the article that accurate self-appraisal is key to knocking down Imposter syndrome, afterall, it comes from within, how does one develop an accurate (and I guess un-biased) view of one's own success? The article makes some suggestions that I will try. Mostly though, I think it is good to talk about it, and perhaps it would help too to hear it from people who have made it already. A friend of mine's father is a professor in the same general field in which she is doing a PhD and she talked about a conversation she had with her dad about Imposter syndrome. She was mystified to discover that after all these years he too still feels somewhat like a "fraud" from time to time, despite a long successful career as evidence to the contrary. I hold onto that as an indication that these waverings and feelings of being an imposter are in my head, and that they can be overcome... though they may also be with me for the long run!

* I think it has to do with two aspects of being an academic. The first is the long period of time spent in school and under constant evaluation and comparison with peers. The second is the difficulty of comparing ones performance to ones peers once in a research intensive environment due to the diversity of work at the level. Due to our training, we may try even harder to determine our success (give ourselves a grade), but it becomes increasingly difficult to compare even different sub-fields as the nature of the research may mean more/less publications, more/less attention, more/less funding support... As such we end up as a bunch of over-achievers starved for evaluation and turn inward allowing our insecurities to compound, surmising that of course our colleges, who outwardly appear confident and competent, must be smarter, harder-working, and just plain better than us. These may at least be contributing factors to the prevalence of Imposter syndrome in academia... in my humble opinion. How to change this? I have no idea. Maybe there is a way to foster accurate self-evaluation earlier in our education, but I don't have any idea how to accomplish that.

2.14.2008

Physics Phun over at physicsknits!

You must all run over to physicsknits and watch the Physics Phun with Conan O'Brien.

Much hilarity.

2.12.2008

Geeky girly girl

If pressed, I would probably have to categorize myself as a geek or a nerd, after all I am in physics and I enjoy playing with computers and other technodorky things (I once asked for a graphing calculator for Christmas... I really, really wanted it). But I also like pretty dresses and shoes, I wear makeup and occasionally paint my nails just because they will be pretty for a few days (maybe... if I'm lucky and don't wreck them in the lab) and that makes me happy. I wouldn't give up either part of myself for anything.

To me, there is nothing wrong with the statement that "I am a geeky girly girl".

So I thought it was interesting to see this article on Wired about a collection of stories written by self-proclaimed "she-geeks". While I think it's great the sentiment is out there, and that the dad of two little girls was intrigued by it and is now armed with a new perspective, my reaction is kind of "so?". Are we so new? The "she-geek"?

Sure, I've met with resistance to my girlieness in this male-dominated kingdom of dorkdom such as comments about the uselessness of my nailpolish, the impracticality of my shoes, or "what's the occasion" if I wear a skirt. I've always chalked this up to misunderstanding... after all, there aren't really enough other gals around here to make a reasonable sample of what a she-physicist should look/act like, but to me there's no reason I should look or act any different than any other woman... well, except I can wear jeans and a t-shirt to work with no objection from anyone, which is nice, at times.

So, while some may look at me and think I'm a dichotomy, I will continue to get just as hot under the collar for those cute little vintage heels as I will for a sweet RAM upgrade (today I have an extra 1GB woot!).

... and really, I don't think I'm very rare.